- I’m quite clumsy.
I frequently injure myself performing everyday activities. I’ve once gotten a concussion going to the bathroom. Just a few months ago, I woke up with a sprained ankle that didn’t exist when I hit the hay the night before. I even accidentally dropped my employee ID badge in the urinal just the other week (yes, I went in there and picked it up. It was probably one of the low points in my life). - I’m lactose intolerant, but I also love dairy. I often can’t hold myself back when tempted by the sight of ice cream or by the smell of pizza. This will get quite risky as dairy is a staple in most cuisines.
- I’m allergic to everything. I have to carry medication on me all the time. I even employ the use of a key chain pill case that only old grandmas fully embrace. Half my backpack are pills! Crossing the border is going to be fun.
- I won’t have the opportunity to sleep with my baby, SAM. SAM stands for sleep apnea machine. I suffer from severe sleep apnea. You might ask, “Ian, I thought only obese older people have sleep apnea?” The answer to that is yes, but I’m the one exception. My specialist said that I was his first relatively fit young patient (thanks Doc, I’ll put that on my resume). So, how does this make me a bad traveller? Well, sleeping without SAM makes me snore like a bear. My hostel bunkmates are going to love me.
- I’m extremely prone to motion sickness. I can’t even run on a treadmill while watching television, let alone sit in the back of a moving vehicle. I apologise in advance to my tuk tuk drivers in Thailand.
Reasons why I’m the Worst Backpacker
It is astonishing that you made it to 26. Is there an over/under for sprained ankles in the first month? Have an awesome trip!